(with spelling corrections)

I don't have a car, and I'd like one. At first I was a concerned because I don't have any money. It seemed to me that if I can't afford something like, oh, I don't know, food, that a car worth thousands might be a bit out of my reach. This turns out not to be the case. The banks don't seem to mind that I don't have any money in my checking account, and if it doesn't bother them, then it doesn't bother me.

My second concern was my credit rating. My credit is so bad that when I tried to sign up for one of those credit management services they wouldn't accept my check. When I was 18 I drove a fresh new credit card into the ground. After college, I defaulted on a student loan for a full year, and just recently, I apparently bounced a co-pay to my dentist - a $50 bill that landed on my credit report.

No one cares! These banks are run by monkeys. People are clambering over themselves to give me money. I went to one of those car loan sites where they find you the best rates, and I've been approved for so many loans that I could buy a house. Suddenly, I'm a fat cat.

Now, as I take the bus to work, it's a shopping trip. I look out the window at the passing traffic and turn my nose up at cars that I don't feel fit my self-image. I don't really think that I am Ford Festiva kind of people. '91 Jetta? Nice, but does it communicate how deeply concerned I am about Tebet? How about a BMW? I don't think that I'd buy a BMW, not because of how much it costs, but because I can't afford it.

Now, I'm looking at a Volvo. I like it because it is European, which is all class, and because it conveys a certain restraint in the vast consumption that I am clearly capable of because I am driving a Volvo. I am also considering an Audi which does the same thing.

I'm a bit amazed by my vanity. I take the bus and yet an '82 Corolla feels below me. Even a newish Honda feels too generic to gel with my specialness. This is the kind of thinking that got me onto the bus in the first place. Step one is to admit that you are powerless before really great stuff. Step two is believing that a power greater than yourself will get really great stuff for you, and step three is to turn your life over to really great stuff as you understand it.

I, of course, have already reached step 12 where I get to help other people understand why good enough isn't.