Sunday, July 22, 2007

Rock Heals (Re-Purposed: Apr. '04)

By: Jedd Davis

Jedd Davis wasn't feeling well when he went to a Breeders concert. Here's how he returned:

I woke up this morning after only a few hours of sleep with a headache and ringing ears. Rock heals, you ask? Yes. I no longer have the sore throat that prohibited me from swallowing for 4 days, and as a bonus, my nose is no longer a sputum spewing spigot.

It just goes to show you that mind and body really are connected. If when you get sick, you mope around and complain to others about how terrible you feel (which is what I usually do), stop doing that. Go do something that "well" people do, or even better, over-do it.

Live music makes you feel good. It scares the sick away with its fuck-offnes and showmanship.

So there you have it, my cure for the common cold. Live rock followed by a tin car before bed (that's Jack - with a splash of codeine cough syrup - over ice)

tin car. Rockin' it.

Dan Ho making law.

Dan Ho making law.

Craigs List Shopping (Re-Purposed: Dec. '07)

Jedd Davis found this post on Craigslist while searching for a Danish Modern table. He thought it smacked of tin car appeal.

I'm so mystified by the people who sell their crap on Craigslist. A few thoughts:

1) If I'm shopping for furniture on Craigslist, what is more likely?

A) I am incredibly wealthy and enjoy spending thousands of dollars on secondhand designer couches custom made for someone else.

B) I make 32k a year, drive a 14-year-old car, and just want to find a kitchen table that isn't covered in chicken blood. (HINT: THIS IS THE ANSWER.)

2) If you bought something new, and you're selling it, that means that
whatever you're selling is USED. Used things are worth LESS than new things. Not more! I know this is hard to grasp, so here's an example:

You bought a coffee table at Ikea for twenty dollars last year. You decide to sell it on Craigslist. Do not charge fifty bucks for it. We all recognize Ikea furniture. We know how much you paid for it. Used is not the same as antique. Most furniture, and especially Ikea furniture, does not increase in value.

Listen, you have had sex and eaten takeout and maybe even had an "accident" on that bed you're selling. If I wanted to pay four hundred dollars for a bed, I would get a new one, minus the sperm and urine.

3) Pictures. People are not going to drive out to Woodland Hills only to discover that your "Danish Modern" cabinet is actually from 1981.

4) Speaking of Danish Modern! Please, stop abusing the term. Danes everywhere roll in their graves in horror.

5) An antique is something that is over a hundred years old. Think about that for a minute. Is your 1971 bookcase an antique? No. No, it's not.

6) It's "wrought" iron, not "rod" iron.

Best of luck, furniture people. Keep the faith! The hundred-dollar bedframe of your dreams is out there somewhere, I promise.

this is in or around Dreamland

Letter To The East Coast (Re-Purposed: Apr. '04)

By: Ben Tiernan

Listen Dickheads,

You need to get over yourselves and accept that the West Coast is better than the East Coast. I’m sick of your snotty condemnation of my coastline. It’s rude, clich├ęd and ugly – like your mom.

The West Coast has no culture?

You, in your L.L. Bean - fuck you. We’ve got Hollywood. We make culture.

We’ve got technology. We make the media that proliferates culture.

The Ivy League is for pansies. Try Stanford. Try Berkeley; George Bush wouldn’t have lasted a week.

We can play your game. Can you play ours? The weather is unreal, everyone is beautiful, and the governor of California fights aliens, and wins.

Figure it out, jerks. The action is in the West.

"Thriller" As Inerpreted By A Filipino Prison

'Nuf said