Men – the new women or “when did I become a Republican*”

Jedd Davis is a man, with man needs …

I just read an article in the New York Times called "The Bachelor and the Dust Bunny". It brings to light a recently published how to book for single men on keeping house called "Clean Like a Man: Housekeeping for Men (and the Women Who Love Them)". A 53-year-old advertising copywriter, who recently separated from his wife, wrote it. Well, bravo to this creative chap for capitalizing on the very en vogue emasculation of men, and taking it to the next level. Not only are men being cast away by silly psycho-marketing touts to that gender purgatory "metrosexual-ville," apparently, we have begun drinking the kool-aid. We are now writing books, FOR OURSELVES, on how to be better women (granted, it is in the absence of woman that this tome becomes required reading, but I'm not liking the trend here).

Let me try to break this down with a little history. Once upon a time – I don’t know, call it the 50’s – men worked all day, had a drink (or many) when they arrived home, and found a little time to pro-create on the weekends between sports telecasts. There was no question of whether or not this was proper male behavior, or “male behavior” at all – it just was.

Then in the sixties, it all started going to hell. Hippies, with their long hair and poetry and blah blah blah, came on the scene in droves. Ok, many macho men throughout history had long hair (did you see Lord of the Rings?), and true, many poets are sissies, but it’s hard to beat the 60s if you’re trying to hit the long-hair, poet, sissy trifecta. So into the early 70s, we have these girl-men whining about the war and demanding change via sit-ins. I’m not saying Vietnam was a good idea, I’m just saying long hair is not a prerequisite for protest (yeah, I know there’s symbolism with the long hair, just make pretend that I’m not really a smart guy, and that I’m allowed to completely dismiss a huge cultural movement in the US because I write for tin car).

So here we are in the early-70s and it’s starting to look good for men again with Tricky Dick in office conspiring and being all paranoid – now that’s a real man (if he only knew, like the Democrat presidents, that you could also add sex to that mix, he probably would’ve remained in office). But then in 1976 it gets all screwed up again as Jimmy Carter takes the White House. Am I blaming Jimmy Carter for metrosexuals? Why not?!

Thank god for the 80s. We get two world-class cocksuckers throwing their balls around on a global stage, with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. Men are back! Thanks Mikhail and Ron! Michael Douglas in Wall Street – are you fuckin’ kidding me? That’s what I’m talking about – manly men. But again, just as it’s heating up, men are accused of being too manly. Bush I embarrasses men by not finishing the job in Iraq, and ponytails start appearing again (I suspect some were tucked into baseball hats for years).

The nineties were interesting. Grunge was manly, but everyone had long hair again. Clinton, legend, was able to put it all together – soft on the outside, bastard within. Mix a little social reform with some minor wars/ass-kickings and voila, men just “are” again, like the 50s, and it’s grand. That guy really was the smoothest cat ever.

That brings us to the millennium. The last election gave us a choice between a sissy or a cowboy, and either way, men everywhere were going to lose out as a result. The cowboy went so off the charts, that society rebelled by turning the everyman into a woman. Even the Braun Towel guy is a sissy now. So, remaining men, let’s make a pact, right now, that we won’t talk about body scrubs, conditioner or spa treatments (even though we enjoy them so). We won’t write books for each other on how to clean the house. We won’t even share recipes, unless they involve cooking meat on a grill. From now on we’ll just go to work, have a few drinks, and make up stories about the sex we’re not having because there just aren’t any good women out there.

*The political views expressed in this article in no way represent those of tin car, which is generally moderate to liberal.